By JACKSON BIKO
Shortly after 1am, most bars quickly plunge into loneliness. Indeed they are noisier and smokier but if you pay much attention, you will notice that a certain “air” has perverted it.
The palpable energy that was there at the beginning has somewhat changed and has now been replaced by a dreary mood that prowls in it – loneliness. I say loneliness because at this point, the clock starts ticking towards sunrise – and with it, looming sobriety.
And sobriety is something that most bar dwellers run away from because in it lays reality, in it lays our un-garnished truths, and they are many – debts, failed relationships, family feuds, stalled careers, bad sex, truant children, failing healths, impotence, unrelenting acne, careers we can’t stand…the list is infinite.
Look at every drunken face in the bar after midnight, and you will notice some truth in them.
And if you look at the couples in the bar at this time, you will see more than love, or lust…what you will see is pure loneliness because like my friend, Jethro submits, only couples who are running away from themselves stay in the bar past 2am.
But the other day, I saw a couple that rubbished Jethro’s whimsical theory, a couple that was sticking out like the proverbial sore thumb. The man was in his mid 20’s and the attractive woman was obviously in the twilight years of her 40’s.
I could tell one thing without being overtly judgmental; it was way past her bedtime! I say they “stuck out” because ours is a very conservative society and everybody in that pub – although they didn’t seem obsessed with this couple – didn’t imagine for a moment that she was helping him with his homework.
Society has a brilliant name for this woman (another recent import from the west) – a cougar. A cougar is an older woman dating a younger man. In National Geographic, though, a cougar is some sort of a cat, a lithe and athletic cat.
Although endangered in the wild, its visibility in the cities is growing. Younger guys are getting into the arms of the older woman for various reasons among them finances, vanity, love, or adventure. For some, they say it’s the pursuit of nirvana.
It’s not as astonishing for a much younger woman to be seen in the arms of a much older man because we have gotten to a point where we can explain it away – if not excuse it.
But an older woman with some young man barely out of his sagging jeans is something of a social satire. The truth, however, is that most of the younger women should sit at the feet of these older women and take notes on how to treat a man.
But since younger women seem to be caught up in their own youth, here is a list of why older women make the best lovers:
Beauty vs poise
Younger women have the advantage of having wrinkle-free skin, tighter bums but they are also vain and self-absorbed, and if you scratch underneath all that you, what you will find is horrifying insecurity.
But for every part of the older woman’s body that is struggling under gravity, they make it up with formidable poise, self-assurance and confidence.
Ask the man seated next to you now what he will pick, given a choice between a hot, vain woman and an older version with poise and confidence.
Please don’t nibble my earlobes As any man will confirm, nothing is harder than to please a woman who doesn’t understand her own body. A woman’s body is a Rubik’s cube and most older women have learnt their bodies beyond knowing that their earlobes aren’t their only erogenous zones.
In short, older women are more comfortable and confident in their sexuality.
Conventions Admit it; trends rule the city and younger women are the major followers of these trends. They play to that gallery. Older women, on the other hand, seem to have fulfilled their expectations of life and are at peace with the findings.
She has no illusions of who she is. Younger women have more to prove, to themselves and to their men, which is to say they have baggage and baggage is only sexy if it comes in the form of a Louis Vuitton bag.
I’ll get that Let’s not even pretend that times aren’t so tough that younger women long forgot how to pick a tab.
These younger men, straight out of campus fumbling through their first jobs and struggling to cook from their baby mekos in their cubicles can’t finance romance with the women they desire, because these women want to have drinks with fancy names like Daiquiri.
Up comes the older woman with a money purse and less drama. Connect the dots.
Patience Since an older woman has lived her life; gotten her heartbreaks and broken a few hearts herself, raised her children, made her mistakes, I would imagine that her outlook of life is more sober, more calculated.
She has learnt to take life at its pace. And also since she has dated her fair share of men, she naturally understands them and is more patient.
To put all these into perspective is a quote from the television writer, Andy Rooney, “Women get psychic as they age, you never have to confess your sins to an older woman. She always knows.”
bikozulu@gmail.com
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