When Marrying Becomes a Communal Affair

By Peter Gaitho

Maina Mugwe is my paternal uncle’s eldest son, making him my ‘brother,’ according to the traditions of my people. He chewed a few books, and landed a laboratory technician job at a nearby government research station. His closest friend was his well maintained ‘Raja’ bicycle, and a cat he loved to a fault. However, he was challenged in one faculty that everyone in the village talked about; he lacked the ability to woo a skirt wearer, and was approaching middle age as a senior bachelor.

His bachelorhood did not go down well the female relatives of the vast Mbari ya Matuguta. In one of the family meetings, all females were summoned to a side meeting by my great Aunt Wamaitha. Word leaked later that, all the women of the clan were given the responsibility of looking around, to find a girl suitable for Maina Mugwe.

“I will not go to rest with the moles, before I see the fruits of Maina’s loins,” Aunt Wamaitha declared. “Whoever finds a suitable girl should inform me, and I will approach her myself.”

Before the end of the harvest season that year, Aunt Wamaitha had visited close to 10 prospective girls, but dismissed all of them for one reason or another. She would visit a house hold, and observe how a girl carried herself.

The yard stick she used to measure the qualities of the future Mrs. Maina, remained her secret. All we heard was that, none of them was good enough as a wife. That is until she met Filomena Waithera. Filomena was the first born girl, in the house of Mwangi Mweru, chairman of the local primary school, on whose land the village cattle dip was built. He was therefore a respected community elder.

Mwangi Mweru was also useful in the village for another reason; he was the owner of three Kaunda suits. Some wazee in the village would borrow one of the suits, to look smart on important visits. They suddenly however, stopped borrowing Mwangi Mweru’s suits.

At one well attended end year party, in the headman’s house, while everyone was busy munching on the succulent goat ribs; Mwangi Mweru shouted at Mzee Waigwa Kiama, “Wee usichafue suti yangu! [Do not soil my suit].” Waigwa was so embarrassed, he left the party prematurely.

And so it came to pass that Aunt Wamaitha made the plans with Mwangi Mweru’s wife, to convince Filomena to be Maina’s wife. Filomena’s mother accepted the deal, because her first born daughter had a 10-year-old son, and therefore no longer a girl. She was hard working and respected her parents. Being a single mother, many boys did not approach her, considering her a used tire.

After convincing Maina to accept Filomena for his wife, Aunt Wamaitha arranged to have Filomena move to his house one evening, while Mwangi Mweru attended a land case at a neighbouring ridge.

Filomena’s son remained in the care of his grandparents. When Mwangi Mweru returned, he was breathing fire and brimstone. He said that, as long as he received what was due to him as dowry, his daughter could marry whoever.

Many moons later, Maina and Filomena are proud parents of three boys and a girl. No one in the village remembers the saga surrounding the beginning of their matrimony.

Today’s bachelors and bachelorettes, have no Aunt Wamaitha to count on to find spouses. Numerous young men and women are approaching middle age as singles without a sign of ever settling in marriage. Either because of harsh economic times, or a trait similar to Maina in his youth, many parents are worried their children will never be launched into the world of matrimonial bliss.

For this reason, Aunt Wamaitha has been replaced by a cadre of online entrepreneurs. They come in the name of: Chemistry.com, match.com, perfectmatch.com, eharmony.com, adultfriendfinder.com and a horde others.

Should one want to meet those of their religion, there are; Muslima.com, Qiran.com, christiandatingservice.com, singlesoffaith.com, buddhistconnect.com among others, to cater for different religions.

But most of these sites do not offer freebies. In order to meet a potential soul mate, one is required to pay some amount as ‘dowry’, to the owners of the dating service.

As it were, love is like measles- all the worse when it comes late in life, so said Douglas Jerrold.

Reach Peter Gaitho at pgaitho@eafricainfocus.com

Source: East Africa in Focus