At 30, a woman is a solid human being - as long as she doesn’t bend over. Photo/PHOTOS.COM
Thirty seems to be the threshold for sound reasoning for most women because at that age, most of them have pretty much dropped the pretence and all the false romanticism that life entices women (and men) with.
And in the place of these, they have embraced some home-truths and vulgarities that it (life) offers.
The few who desperately cling to a subliming mirage of youth – are either delusional or simply misguided or both.
And those are the type to give a wide berth. But the politics of 30 for women – at least in a man’s eye – is as fascinating as it is revealing. Here is how.
Everybody knows this; most women in their 20s are problematic and big-headed, a trait that they can’t be blamed for entirely.
This age is marked by a certain phoney invincibility fuelled by mundane factors like beauty, staggeringly thumb-sucked career ambitions and ideologies founded on pink covered inspirational books and airy talk-show spiel.
This coat of invincibility, is carried dutifully past the mid-to late twenties.
There is a sense of celebratory bravado exhibited by these ladies, a trait that makes them imagine that the universe spins on the axis of their fingertips. They eat life with a big spoon.
Theme nights are created for them in night clubs because they are cash-cows.
Visit a night club in Westlands on a Thursday, a day they wake up specifically to “bend-over” and half the club will be full of these early twenty-something-year-olds, the other half consisting of the men (and women) who get a kick from watching this grotesque excuse of a dance.
They (these early to mid twenties) also make the worst girlfriends, simply because they are still on a journey of self-discovery.
To date them you need a handbook to decipher their smses. You also need the patience of a monk.
The best people to date this type are their own skinny-jeans wearing, purple shoed agemates, either that or jaded retirees with a mission to excavate their diminished youth.
As they inch towards the hill of the 20s, and onto their thirties, certain realisations sets in; that life is never that serious.
As a saving grace, in their 30s, most women quickly realise that you need slightly more than well-tweezed eyebrows to be taken seriously.
In their 30s, the lines around their smiles etch deeper in their faces as they search deeper for answers beyond where one can get the best facial cleansers.
And women in the 30s are fun because they cut to the chase since all that pretense has been eroded by reality.
And since they are aware of who they are, they won’t waste your time dragging you into that horrid journey that a 24-year-old would.
Most 30-year-olds wield a double-edged sword, they might know what they want, problem is when they want to change you into what they want – not what you are.
And they can get pretty aggressive in this pursuit. Two weeks ago, a story ran in the papers of a lady who said her ideal man – apart from being tall and light and well-educated – would have to part with nothing less than Sh1mil to her parents as bride price.
I had half a mind to bang her head, until I saw her age; 24. I forgave her.
Women in their 30’s seem to understand that living happily ever-after is nothing but a jaded theme in those Lady Bird series books.
Their sense of marriage has been dulled by us, men who laughably have “Mr” preceding our names when those abbreviations do nothing but mock our inadequacies.
At 30, women seem to understand (even though they might choose to ignore it) that sex and love are not synonymous.
That one is a horse while the other is a cart. The ones who didn’t have the benefit of beauty on their side earlier are now getting into positions of power, and so they wear power suits and endless heels and use their positions and papers as leverage.
They will shred your heart into pieces without a second thought then go out and have a banana smoothie.
This group – the ducklings turned kick-ass career women – are the hardest to prey on because they want revenge but even worse, they are focused on proving a point and nothing wears a man out like a woman who is keen to prove a point.
The ones who grew up gorgeous in their 20s, under the delusion that physical beauty is timeless suddenly wake up to the realisation that beauty has a very low shelf-life and that the system is always churning out younger and hotter girls.
This type are the easiest because they need reaffirmation that they are still desirable even though some things now point south.
Even though the 30s seem like a time of great revelation for most women, it’s also a time for bizarre tendencies.
This is the time when a whole bunch of successful women in their 30’s make a conscious decision to get babies without the baggage of a husband.
They get a baby so as to complete this perfect five-year plan with the baby as the last piece in a well thought-out puzzle.
Trophy babies, they are called. They supposedly redeem her in the eyes of her peers.
Motherhood to this lot is not an instinct that beckoned, but a need fuelled by status.
These women need to know that babies aren’t purses to be matched with high heels.
At 30, a woman is a solid human being – as long as she doesn’t bend over.
If you are turning 30 today, happy birthday and enjoy your 30s in a dignified manner.
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