By Lilian Kithia
The ex-boyfriend is always one of those topics that are a bit daunting to talk about.
Either because the previous relationship ended in bad terms and the idea of revisiting it in a discussion brings back memories we wish to forget or because the rules of being in a new relationship dictate that the baggage of the old be left in the past.
Either way, while remaining mum about the past gives the new relationship a chance to grow in peace and take its natural course, being completely secretive about an ex is a red light that every person in a new relationship ought to keep an eye on.
This is because often, some people do not disclose the fact that they are on the rebound, which could also mean that they still haven’t gotten over the previous relationship.
And then in the long run, when they finish rebounding, they move on, or even make up with the ex, leaving you hanging and heartbroken.
Here are five signs that mean your girlfriend isn’t over her ex: The ex is a no-go zone – Your partner never talks about her ex, and when you bring up the topic, she avoids it or changes the subject without even as simple an explanation as “I really don’t want to talk about that”.
Any further probing often results into a tantrum about why you just can’t let it go. She doesn’t even go to the places they used to go to together because she is afraid of running into him.
The truth is; talking about, or even meeting with the ex makes her miss him and she hates the fact that she is not with him. She is just not over him!
She talks about her ex too much – She is either going on about how funny he was or constantly complaining about what a terrible cheating boyfriend he was and how glad she is that it is over between them.
Either way, she is talking about him all the time and finds a way to bring him up in almost every conversation. She’s probably even called you his name once.
Whether she is saying positive or negative things, talking about him all the time means she just can’t stop thinking about him. It’s obvious she still has feelings and cares for him.
She is up to date with her ex’s life – She seems to know where he lives and what he’s upto even after he has moved houses twice since the break-up.
She knows the name of the lady he is currently dating and just how badly their relationship is doing. The two of them don’t even communicate but somehow she is so up to date with his life.
The ex could have moved on but your partner clearly hasn’t. If, by any chance, he were to decide to give their relationship another chance, you would be so out of the picture.
She still has mementoes from the relationship – She loves that watch he bought her on her birthday and still goes to bed in that piece of lingerie he bought her for Valentine’s.
And how do you know about all these? She’s probably absent-mindedly mentioned it once or twice. If your partner can’t let go of the things she was given by her ex, it means she still cares about him and wants to keep them because they remind her of him.
She’s probably hoping they may get back together someday.
They are still friends – It can be hard to draw a line between a harmless platonic friendship and a bond that means your girl and her ex are still into each other.
Do they still communicate with each other? How often? Is he her go-to guy? Like, when you fight, does she prefer to talk to him than to her girlfriends? Do they hang out alone all the time, or have too many friends in common?
If she can’t live without communication with the ex it’s not over yet. However platonic she may want you to believe their friendship is, she still has the hots for him and the feelings are probably mutual.
If any of these things describe your girlfriend’s behaviour, it’s time for you to exit the scene before you get replaced by the man who was there before you.
Hoping that she will eventually get over him is only wishful thinking.
It’s only a matter of time before she starts pursuing him again actively – if she isn’t already doing it behind your back.
kithia.lillian@gmail.com
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