To save themselves the headache that sometimes comes with marriage and relationships, single men who want children are now paying surrogate mothers hefty amounts of money to carry their babies and then cede their maternal rights once the child is born. ALLAN OLINGO explores the issue
In mid-July last year, international football star and Real Madrid player Cristiano Ronaldo paid a surrogate mother to have his son. According to a Portuguese newspaper, Diario de Noticias, the surrogate in San Diego, where Ronaldo was on holiday, conceived, and after giving birth, handed over the baby to the footballer.
This trend is slowly catching up in Kenya.
To save themselves the headache that sometimes come with marriage and relationships, single men who want children are now paying surrogate mothers hefty amounts of money to carry their babies and then cede their maternal rights once the child is born
Beatrice Achieng, got paid
by a city based Architect a whooping Sh950,000 to have his baby and give it up upon birth. Strange as it may sound, she says her friend Sheila hooked her into this irresistible offer.
Needs catered for
“It was really sad to hear that he was not able to have a baby of his own because of relationship problems and with the financial gain that came with it, I said why not?’ she admits.
She says the process was fairly simple even though she was apprehensive at first.
After going through a routine blood analysis and HIV tests, she conceived and was paid half the amount and immediately placed on a medical cover for three years.
“During the pregnancy, he catered for all my needs and two weeks after the birth of his son he wired the other half into my account, and I gave up the baby. It was traumatic but the allure for the money and the heart to help him out made me do it,” she explains.
“I feel guilty and not proud of what I did but I always tell myself that I made a sacrifice for another person’s happiness through my good heart. I am happy that I helped him achieve his goals of becoming a parent even though I don’t plan to be a surrogate again in the future,” she offers.
According to Fida’s Deputy Executive Director Claris Oganga, there is no legislation in Kenya that touches on surrogacy.
“Such an arrangement isn’t illegal according to our law but ethically it is unsound. I feel for the innocent child involved because as a minor, it has the right to both parents, proper family upbringing. But with this kind of arrangements, it’s a complete violation of such rights,” says Oganga.
Opt-out mechanisms
University of Nairobi Sociology lecturer Dr Agnes Zani says there are different approaches to this arrangement. It may be done between people who already know each other but may not be committed to marriage.
She notes that the dating challenges have contributed to such kinds of behaviour.
With social change and women empowerment, women have demanded more of their rights and challenged traditional roles.
Men might find this a difficult situation to cope with and may look for such opt-out mechanisms, says the sociologist.
“Factors such as liking a person and even hope that later there may be a long-term relationship may be motivating factors and in such a case it is not only monetary motivation that propels the woman,” she adds.
Dr Zani says given that the sums of money paid are very high, poverty may be another motivating factor.
Peter Mogeni, a banker, admits that he would consider commercial surrogacy because he feels it’s an easier way to parenthood than staying with a nagging wife or girlfriend. He instead blames the current complexities in relationships and dating as the reasons that may make men opt for such arrangements.
“Imagine a situation where I have the money and I want to have a child of my own yet all I meet are gold-diggers, nagging women, then what options do I have left?” poses Mogeni.
He says the high levels of divorce and relationship drama could be the reasons most single men are resorting to this kind of arrangements.
“Why get stuck maintaining a relationship with a woman after breaking up because she has a child you have to take care of. This gives her an excuse to milk thousands from you to support her shopping habits while claiming it’s to raise your child?” he quips.
Mogeni says he would rather have his children in this ‘unique set-up’ instead of marrying a nagging woman who will drag you into many court battles so that you can pay hefty ‘child support’ figures to maintain her expensive lifestyle.
Another contributing factor is the fact that relationships have also become adulterous. Men are losing their sense of authority and leadership. Rather than be challenged directly and then losing their self-esteem, they would rather avoid these permanent relationships.
Dr Zani notes that such arrangement could be a result and reaction to the fact that women have resorted to sperm banks and the general notion that women don’t need men to get babies.
“Men may also be trying to show women that they can do without them (that is the emotional and social aspects) and stick to the biological function, by being paid for their womb,” she adds.
Traditionally, surrogacy has been practiced in many communities especially to help barren couples have children of their own.
However, the commercial aspect of it is a Western idea that’s mainly practiced in the US and India who introduced it in 2002 to promote its medical tourism.
Dangers of this trend
So what should a woman take into account before entering into such an arrangement?
“It’s is important for a surrogate mother to question why this man wants to raise the child alone. He may be a child trafficker. Any sober mother should not enter into such an arrangement because of the financial windfalls,” warns lawyer Oganga.
But what are the dangers of this emerging trend?
This social disorder will bring more problems in the future as to where such men will get their social and emotional support because such a stable base can only be best complemented within the family setup.
“This can be treated as a marriage social disorder amongst our youths as it goes against the normative familial setup.
It’s important to understand that marriages and relationships will never seize to have challenges. Patience, understanding, tolerance, love and sharing should always be embraced in relationships to avoid such disorders,” conludes the sociologist.
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