Mothers all over the world have to deal with myriad challenges. Photo/PHOTOS.COM
When I tested HIV positive, one of the things that silently freaked me out was the fear that I would not be able to have children of my own.
Well, that was what was I was told; that my life and dreams were over, and that I should not even think about making long-term plans. Having a husband and children was one of my long-term plans.
So when I found out that I was pregnant with my first son, Peter, I had conflicting emotions. On one hand, I was excited about the life that was growing inside my belly, a life that did not know the emotional turmoil that its mother was going through.
On the other hand, because I did not know any better, I thought I had signed another death warrant, this time for two lives, because almost all the people I talked to seemed to think that I was about to drop dead.
Back then, there were no prevention of HIV from mother to child transmission (PMTCT) programs, therefore, I carried my pregnancy to term in blind faith.
I have said it before and I will say it again: it is motherhood that gave me a new lease of life. Of course, I cannot discount the role that my mentors played in getting me to believe in life again.
But when Peter came along, and I held him in my arms, and his little fingers tightly clutched my fingers, I knew that I had to live, by any means necessary. I knew that I would take all the sticks and stones that were thrown my way for my son’s sake.
It is just like it says in the song, ‘Mary Did You Know’; “The child that you delivered would soon deliver you”. Because that’s exactly what Peter did.
After Peter, who is now a young man, I have walked through the conception path two more times; these times armed with all the knowledge I need. Having three children has given me the energy to live for three lifetimes.
I am not alone. I have women friends who are living with HIV, and who have had turning points because of their children.
Being a mother has made to forget that I am living with HIV. If it were not for my antiretroviral drugs, which my sons ensure that I do not miss, I would completely forget that I am HIV positive.
When I enter my house, I am just a mother. Period. My sons come and hug me and play with me, and make me feel special.
Being a mother has also given me the grace to become a foster mother to children who are orphaned by HIV. I am reminded about how Kadogo, who is one of my foster daughters, came to live with me.
Apparently, she had seen me in one of my visits to an informal settlement, where I had gone to talk to women about positive living.
After the visit, she traced me to my home. She was barely 10 years old, when she knocked on my door and told me that she wanted to stay with me. Kadogo has been with me since then.
I not only opened my door, but my heart as well. I believe that heaven poured untold blessings on me, for not shutting the door on this little girl.
Being a mother has also given me the voice and authority to articulate issues facing orphans and vulnerable children.
Because I am on the inside looking out, I can speak with authority about things that affect our children who, in most cases, have no voice or platform to air their concerns.
I believe that one of the reasons God has given me longevity, is because of motherhood.
I am not only a mother to my three biological and foster children, but there are scores of other orphans and vulnerable children who give me a reason to breath.
I believe that when I minister to their needs, in their prayers they remember me – there is no prayer like a child’s prayer.
Mothers all over the world have to deal with myriad challenges. But this today, I want to specifically salute mothers who are living with HIV, yet have not let their HIV status to dampen their lives. To them I have three words: “Work it, sister.”
This is the diary of Asunta Wagura, a mother of three who tested HIV-positive 24 years ago. She is the executive director of the Kenya Network of Women with Aids (KENWA). asuntawagura@hotmail.com
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