Two colleagues in my office got married recently. The problem is that the man has become very possessive over his wife, to the point where fellow male co-workers cannot talk to the woman even if it’s official matters because the husband accuses her of flirting with them.
Last week, he hit a colleague who he found in her office, saying they were plotting to have an affair, yet all they were doing was reconciling accounts.
We are confused as we need to communicate concerning matters related to the office. But his aggressive behaviour is scaring some of us men away. What can we do?
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Chapter 19 verse 5 of the book of Matthew in the Holy Bible states: “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. Verse six concludes “what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate”.
On the wedding day, most couples sincerely believe they will remain together every time.
The strong bond of love that binds such couples blinds them to the harsh reality of the real world. Let me explain.
A few months ago, I was called to the accident and emergency unit to see a 35-year-old lady.
Her story was simple enough. Her husband had come home that night and beaten her until she became unconscious.
As he was beating her he was heard shouting “confess, confess, confess”.
When she eventually confessed, (to things she had not done) he beat her even more because in his view he had finally proved what he has suspected for several months— that she was having an affair.
A few days into her hospital stay, and as I got to know what really happened, the picture became clearer.
We had the wrong patient in hospital. It was in fact her husband who needed medical attention as he was clearly suffering from morbid jealousy or the Othello syndrome.
For several years, her husband’s attitude to her had gradually changed.
He seemed very keen to find out all the details. “What time did you leave home, what time did you go for lunch, with whom did you eat”.
She enjoyed the interest shown and took it to mean that he loved and cared for her deeply.
In time, she began to get irritated as the attention was becoming too much.
“Why did you wear the red and not the blue dress? Why did you wear this type of perfume, why did you go to the hairdresser on Wednesday not Friday as usual”.
And in time, why did she seem less excited when she sees him as she used to be?
She talked to her friends and relatives about the husband’s behaviour and most told her she was a very lucky woman to have a man who followed her every move—this showed she cared.
They told their own stories, saying their husbands never bothered with them, did not notice or care what they wore, or even if their hair was done or not.
But in the next months things became worse. He became very interested in her phone. Each time it rang, he wanted to know who had called, why and what was being discussed in “low tones”.
In the evenings he went through her phone, checking all the calls made and received and SMSs.
She was required to explain why so and so had called at the time instead of calling earlier or later, “why that particular time,” her husband would ask!
He accused her of having a secret code in her phone which made it impossible for him to trace calls from men, but allowed him to see the numbers from women.
In the end, she crushed her phone in front of him, and said she would give up its use if that would save her marriage.
Her husband understood her to say, she did not want to carry a mobile phone, so that he could not reach her as she carried on with her love affairs.
If she carried the phone, it was to keep in touch with men, if she did not, it was to hide from him. She could not win. He had hired a private investigator to follow her.
Over a two-month period, the investigator could not find any evidence of infidelity.
The poor private investigator was not paid. Instead he was accused of being one of her lovers.
Things came to a head when she noticed that many of her underwear were missing.
She said she found out he had taken her underwear to a laboratory to check if it had any “strange sperms” and asked the lab to crosscheck her clothes with his body fluids.
On the night she was beaten, she was accused of bribing the lab to provide a negative finding.
Is it possible that your colleague has morbid jealousy?
Is it possible that he prefers to work in close proximity to his women so that he can keep a close eye on them?
I don’t mean to scare you or, but keep these possibilities in mind.
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