If you are going to have sex without using a contraceptive, then you will definitely run the risk of getting pregnant. Or what a friend of mine says, “You will catch a baby.”
This is not protracted science. It’s not molecular biology. It’s not a conspiracy or black magic – which is to say your relatives are not after you. It’s not even a miracle. It’s basic reproductive health knowledge.
Coitus interruptus? Come on, that’s not even a form of contraception, that’s for people who believe in flying saucers and aliens. And, surprisingly, they are many!
There are many reasons why women fascinate me, one of them being that when they come to you with a problem, seeking a “man’s perspective” they come with an already formed opinion.
For example, they will ask you (holding up a green and a brown top), “Which one should I wear?”
“Green.”
“But the green makes me look a bit big.”
“Ok, brown then.”
“But that wasn’t your first choice, yes?”
“No, it wasn’t.”
“So green or brown?”
“Brown.”
Then she goes and wears green.
I have a friend who has been seeing this guy for about six months. Last month, she discovered that she was pregnant. She was totally shocked; never mind that they had stopped using any form of contraceptive.
So, like women do, she called up the poor guy and told him they needed to “talk”. This would normally mean either of two things; to ask you where that relationship is “going” or to say she is pregnant.
Apparently, upon hearing the news, the guy just sat silent for the longest time then when he finally re-surfaced, said, “I don’t know.”
Yes, that’s all he said, “I don’t know.” In fact that was pretty much the longest sentence he said the whole evening.
As this story turned out, the guy said he’s “only” 29 and not ready for a baby. He was not ready to be a father. But she wanted to keep the baby. He said no, not now. She said if he loved her, he would let her keep the pregnancy.
He said he loved her, but that news of the pregnancy threw a spanner in the works.
And so they went back and forth for a month then on a chilly evening over coffee, he introduced the ugly word that starts with an “a”.
She was horrified. They fought bitterly. The evening ended in tears…his, not hers. A few weeks later, they broke up.
She now feels cheated and hurt and betrayed. She feels empty. Lately she has been thinking of that ugly word that starts with an “a”.
That’s when she came for my advice. I asked her why she wanted to get rid of the baby and she said it was because perhaps that was “the right thing” to do. For who? I asked and her reply was, “for us,” which in female coded language meant for “him”.
I told her I had strong feelings about abortion and that it would be foolish to do something like that for a man. Besides, there was no guarantee that he would stay with her after she did it.
She seemed reluctant, torn between love for her man and doing the right thing. I hope doing the right thing triumphed over love.
Women shouldn’t be too surprised when a man decides he wants no part of the pregnancy, especially when she has been seeing the man for only a few months.
Men’s capacity to handle pregnancy is dismal and even this is more diminished if he doesn’t see you as the woman he wants to have a baby with, because admit it, there are women a man would love to date but hate to have a baby with.
A woman should never think that she can “make” a man stay just because she is carrying his baby. It makes the man feel trapped, and a man who feels trapped is not any good to a woman.
So if you get pregnant and he takes off, keep the baby unless you had ulterior motives for getting pregnant. It’s not the end of the world. And anyway, I know of a handful well-adjusted people who grew up in single parent homes.
And pregnancies don’t just happen by some stroke of luck. Granted, no woman gets pregnant by hugging a tree, but ultimately, it’s the woman’s responsibility to mind her own reproductive health. I don’t see a man fussing over pills and all that.
But if things hit the fan and a woman gets pregnant, as good breeding dictates, the man should take responsibility for the baby, which shouldn’t be confused with taking responsibility for the woman.
Men who are honest enough to state this position should a pregnancy occur, shouldn’t be hanged.
But seriously, women need to realise that just because a man says he loves you doesn’t mean he wants to have children with you. Just because he is caring doesn’t mean he loves to kiss babies.
Just because a man says he will always be there doesn’t mean he means that literally, besides men say a lot of things, some of which they say just to make them look good.
If a man decides not to be with a woman because she got pregnant, the woman shouldn’t waste time moaning. You are better off picking up the chips and moving on.
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