Married men and girlfriends

By CIKU ciku@classic105.com

If you are a regular reader of my column, then you know where I stand when it comes to dating married men.

It’s a simple position and it’s unwavering.

a) Don’t.

b) If you have to, get all the cash you can squeeze out of him.

c) Don’t fall in love with him.

Those are the ABC’s of surviving this path that always leads to the same place: Him staying with his wife and leaving you hanging. I think it’s working too because a lot of my married male friends are now complaining that having a girlfriend is becoming an expensive venture.

I received the following email from a guy who made me snigger: “I’m a married man and there is this single chick who says she loves me. She has given me all – you know what I mean. 

But I have always wanted to break this up because I know it’s not right and she also uses up too much of my money! How do I break up with her? I don’t want to hurt her. 

Believe me, I love my wife and kids and would never leave them for her (from her talk, she hopes this will happen one day). Why can’t single women and mistresses ever understand that a married man will never leave his wife for them?

Ask them that. Also, advice wives to be adventurous, especially in bed. Many unknowingly drive away their men into the arms of a mistresses!” I snigger for two reasons.

The first is because of your complaint that she uses up too much of your money. And the second reason is because you actually want to break up with her. Why on earth would you want to do that?

Have you ever heard of a man breaking up with a woman? It doesn’t happen. When men were standing around Mars, waiting to board the flight to Earth, they were given a few tips when it came to ending relationships with us fair maidens from Venus.

You were told simply, never to do so. The reasons they gave you were two. The first is because you never know when you will want her back.

And the second is because Martians never want to be blamed for anything.

“Why did we break up?” you may ask one, years after your relationship ended. The answer may be because some other woman moved into his house and he never took your calls again.

A woman will remember this as clear as day but a man will always say: “You tell me. Why did you leave me? You were always the woman for me.”

So you never break up with a woman my dear, you simply fade off. Are you confused? Have you ever heard a song that just ENDS? It’s a bit disconcerting isn’t it?

Then there are the songs that prepare you and let you know the end is near. They fade off as the chorus is repeated over and over, and the volume progressively reduces.

That’s what Martians do. They fade off. By this, I mean that they take your calls once in a while. If you complain, they say they didn’t mean anything by it and were busy.

They are never available to see you anymore but always say you will ‘meet up soon’. They respond to your emails after many weeks instead of immediately. A Martian pulls away slowly but surely and you can feel it.

Men wear their hearts on their sleeve. If he likes you, he will want to spend time with you. He has no concept of ‘too much’. He can be with you every day of the week and not think twice about it.

He will never be too busy for you.

So my dear, simply fade off. Next time the music starts, get your cheque book out and get ready to spend!

This is a new World Order.