By Nancy Njagi Mbithi
Jane once called me and asked if I could loan her some money to take her three-month old baby to the post-natal clinic as well as have a gynaecological check up.
She went on to explain that her husband, Phillip, had refused to give her the money because she was apparently misusing the money.
I was not eager to part with the money especially when I had not gotten to the root cause of this young couple’s conflict. I, therefore, spoke to Phillip to get his side of the story and eventually realised that since they were not living together, it was difficult for him to know how his wife and small baby were spending the money that he so earnestly worked for.
So there it was, this newly married couple living separate lives and hoping to act married. With the hope of helping my friend, I suggested to Jane to join her husband especially now that she was not working and with the new born, she needed all the emotional and physical support she could get from her husband. Jane was not too excited about my suggestion. She said Phillip worked upcountry and that was not the place for her to live. She needed to be near Nairobi!
Please help me! What is with Nairobi! What should come first? The foundation of your new formed family or living in Nairobi?
Single’s attitude
My friend is not alone. There are married couples who in one way or the other still hope to maintain their singlehood (single’s attitude behaviour) without the realisation that aspects of this singlehood need to change. Marriage is about adjusting to each other’s needs.
If each one maintains their singlehood then they’ll continue being “single” through marriage and, therefore, make independent decisions even though these decisions affect the family eventually. This in turn causes tension and conflict in marriage because that dialogue and consultation is missing.
The way forward would be to deal with the singlehood attitude and behaviour. One should come to the realisation that there are things we have to let go for the sake of the family.
Ladies, the running back and forth to your parent’s house every time you have a disagreement has to stop. You cannot just move in and out of marriage as you please.
Living your two month-old baby with the house help so that you can go out for a drinking spree with the girls is not just an issue of singlehood but just outright crazy!
A night out with the boys that lasts up to the early hours of the morning just because you are running away from the cries of the new born baby needs to stop. So then, if your new found spouse is still acting single, the key thing is to have a talk. Have all the concerns laid out on the table and thrush them one by one and come up with a way out.
You, however, have to be willing to change because our status has now changed from single to married.
http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/relationship/InsidePage.php?id=2000010391&cid=431&story=Married but still acting single?
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