By CIKU, ciku@classic105.com
“The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex.” — Randy Thornhill and Craig T. Palmer, A Natural History of Rape.
The Kenyan representative in the Big Brother house is bisexual. Last Saturday, Sheila, treated viewers (or subjected them) to a steamy session with another female housemate. She was evicted the next day for her trouble.
She never got too far the last time she was in the house either and I’m curious as to why she showed an audience that she knew to be conservative, this very liberal side to her personality.
On paper, if entertainment is what one is looking for, then Sheila makes sense. She is funny, intelligent and aside from an almost compulsive disorder when it comes to disrobing (showering with your clothes on is a sure fire way to get evicted, viewers complain that she is dirty), she is liberal in every other sense.
She drinks like a fish, had a mouth like a sailor the last time round but has managed to hold back the curses this year and yes, she can sing along to Katy Perry’s ‘I kissed a girl and I liked it.’
She went up against Munya who is a total loser. He can’t handle his liquor, insults Africa whenever he gets a chance and cries at the drop of a hat. After surviving a few evictions, he now believes he’s untouchable.
He’s the self-proclaimed diamond boy. How cocky! Yet viewers chose him over her. Interesting. I’ve always thought that a girl who swings both ways is fascinating, not just to men but women too.
Every time a girl calls up on my radio show and says she used to dabble with those of the female persuasion and now wants a man, the phones go off the hook! Men line up in large numbers. But all is not always well in Girl Ville.
One called me up the other day to bust her girlfriend. It degenerated into some bizarre catfight. On the line was the girl who was allegedly taking her girlfriend away from her. “The girl is mine,” she said, reminiscent of a Paul McCarthy/ Michael Jackson track.
“No, she’s mine, don’t waste your time!” was the response. Mmm. My listeners could not get enough and wanted to hear the whole thing over again. So back to Sheila, why evict her?
It’s simple really; she’s not African enough for Big Brother viewers.She would probably win the show hands down in the west but here, they want a woman who cooks, cleans, has a nice sob story from home about a poor family she supports, a lady with a nice body but dresses conservatively, a woman who does not sleep with anyone in the house and one, above all, that takes her clothes off to take a shower.
That’s why Hazel lost to Ricco (the closest tie on votes in the history of Big Brother), because of showering in her darn underwear! Thanks to the Nigerians, shower hour is now a closed off affair, so you wonder what the issue is.
Take a proper shower ladies! After watching Sheila’s exit, I realise that this continent will remain traditional, not just when it comes to handing someone $200,000 but when it comes to choosing spouses too.
The men lined up for the girl on my radio show because they felt she would go a little nuts behind closed doors – Lady in public and a freak in the bedroom. Cliché but true. They want the cute kitten to turn into a ferocious tiger.
Don’t worry girls; whatever you do when you’re alone with him can never get too crazy for him. He will view it as enthusiasm! But once you leave the house, pack up the whips and chains and wear all white if you must – You are now, an angel.
Sheila unfortunately, doesn’t know this and instead is the ferocious tiger in front of the whole continent! She should’ve been a cute kitten and shown, only to Uti, just how that purring can turn into growling.
That’s how you win $200,000 and that’s how you get whatever man you want. The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex.
So imagine if on every occasion, it’s a totally mind-blowing experience for him… Do you see the possibilities?
ciku@classic105.com
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