Kenya is closed! We are in Zanzibar for a retreat

By Eric Latiff

Dear Kenyans,

I address you today in my rightful capacity as a “common mwananchi”. This is a term that our politicians have branded us and which they keep using every time they want to dip their hands in our cookie jar.

“We want to control CDF funds so that we bring development to the ‘common mwananchi.” “This constitution should provide for a presidential/ parliamentary system of government which will serve the ‘common mwananchi’.” “The government is corrupt! They are stealing money meant to benefit the ‘common mwananchi’.”

That commoner, rejareja, garagaria, kawaida, ordinary person described above, my friend, is you and I.

Now, our honourable waheshimiwa’s have decided to spend a couple of million shillings on a retreat which is meant to foster consensus on the proposed Constitution and see to it that debate in Parliament is smooth. In other words, after this retreat, the draft Constitution will once again be mutilated to suit what the political class considers “agreeable”.

Fellow Kenyans, I wish to bring to your attention the fact that this draft will be brought to us sometime in June for you and I to vote on it. May I remind you, my brothers and sisters, that our journey towards a new Constitution has taken two decades with politicians throwing a spanner in the works every time we have come close to realising it.

I therefore beseech you, my fellow countrymen, to make sure that this time we get a new Constitution. In other words, we MUST speak with one voice during the referendum. Remember, unlike Parliament which needs 145 MPs to shoot it down, we only require a simple majority of those who turn up to the vote in June to scuttle our search for a new Constitution, again.

Therefore, dear Kenyans, let us adjourn all other business and all head for a retreat – minus our MPs.

And just as they could not hold their Kamukunji at Parliament’s old chambers or KICC, let us not hold ours anywhere in Kenya. No, let us go to Zanzibar. I hear from those who have visited this Island that it is conducive for consensus building. I am told that in Zanzibar, one could easily fall in love with their sworn enemy. Maybe it’s the spices that grow in those Tanzanian islands, I don’t know.

So, let us all head to Zanzibar for three days to discuss this Constitution thing that Nzamba Kitonga and his team claim to have worked so hard to produce. We need to see whether all our views were incorporated. Where we have differences, Zanzibar will provide a solution.

I have written to my employer, and being an understanding Kenyan, he has accepted to let me retreat for the sake of my motherland. Your employer will agree too. If you are self employed, kindly take leave.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. Somebody in Obama’s country once uttered those words, and they remain etched in history.

I hope you see my point. If you do, please sign up, pack your bags and let’s go. Travel, accommodation and entertainment will be financed from the Exchequer and a few “development partners”.

PS. Remember to carry your swimming costumes, or floaters for those who can’t swim.

-Capital FM Blogs