I saw this couple and their three children enjoying a meal at an outdoor eating joint on a beautiful Sunday. The children, aged about seven, five, and three, were clearly having the time of their lives.
But their fun was brought to an abrupt end, thanks to an argument between Mum and Dad. Before long, they were all in the car, heading back home in an uncomfortable silence, their outing having been cut short.
Couples who argue in front of their children seem to be oblivious to the damage it might do to the young ones, who are in their developmental stages. It is important to realise that children’s personalities are partly shaped by the environment around them, especially the home.
Of course it is not possible to agree on everything, so disagreements between couples are inevitable. However, the results can be positive or negative, depending on the manner in which they choose to solve them. Disagreements between couples take various forms.
A common one is the “cold war” or “silent treatment”, where the parties involved decide to withdraw, not talk to each other or do things they usually do together.
Alternatively, a couple might engage in a verbal confrontation, exchanging unpleasant words at the top of their voices. Sometimes this is accompanied by actions such as banging tables and throwing items, or even physical fights.
Irrespective of the way you react when you disagree with your partner, it is important to note that such scenes can negatively affect the children, who often don’t even understand why you are arguing.
Even if you are getting a divorce, it is important not to display negative emotions before children because their relationships and security are determined by their environment.
Children who are exposed to constant arguments between their parents tend to be insecure, confrontational, violent, and sometimes imitate the adults’ behaviour when interacting with other children.
Parents should learn to control their anger and, as far as possible, not show it in front of their children. It is not easy, but certainly worth a try, if only for the sake of the children.
Storming out, shouting, or hurling insults at your partner during a disagreement in the presence of children should be avoided because such behaviour might end up making you, whom they look up to as an authority, less credible in their eyes.
If you must argue when you are at home, go and lock yourselves away and try not to shout, to avoid upsetting the children.
Resolving disputes amicably can be tricky, so I’d like to offer a few tips.
When you are giving each other the silent treatment, do not use the children to convey messages to your partner. If you must communicate, use notes or, with all the technological advances, the short message service, for instance.
You can also meet outside the home, say for a cup of coffee or a meal, to discuss contentious issues. Those that you cannot resolve immediately can be carried over to the next “date”.
Doing this not only allows each party’s anger to abate, but also gives them time to think issues through before discussing them.
As a parent, it is important that you create a loving environment at home for your children. Let them know that you love each other, and that you both love them. Maintaining a calm front even when you are undergoing stormy times is important if you wish to raise children who are physically and emotionally secure.
So, no matter how much you disagree with your spouse, never, ever argue in front of the children.
Remaining loving towards each other will ensure that when they need guidance on issues in the world out there, they will have the confidence to come to you.
Source: Daily Nation
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