Jinxed in love or just unlucky?

Kavengi and her first husband Benjamini Kivindyo (second left) during their wedding in 1987

By Billy Muiruri,

At 23, and like many young women, all Joyce Kavengi was looking forward to was a man to convince her that he truly loved her.

So when a childhood friend, Benjamin Kivindyo came along and passed all her “preliminary commitment tests”, Kavengi did not object to his proposal for marriage.

Kivindyo came from Kyambusya village not far from Kavengi’s Nthakame village in Kitui district. Having known him all along, Kavengi was only too willing to play ball.

“I knew I had met  the right man in Kivindyo. At least I believed I did not have to do a lot of background research on him,” she says. On November 8, 1987, at AIC Matinyani church, Kavengi and Kivindyo were declared husband and wife.

Honeymoon

But the occasion would perhaps be the young woman’s first leap into a turbulent future where she would see two men she loved die on the verge of giving her a chance to be a wife.

“I expected that we would proceed to some honeymoon venue but the following day, Kivindyo  woke up looking weak and sick,” Kavengi remembers and adds, “I thought it was the fatigue that a spouse can experience after rigorous pre-wedding preparations,” she says.

But she was wrong. The man had been suffering from Leukaemia for sometime but neither he nor his relatives had ever hinted this fact to her.

There were still some relatives around and the following day, her new husband was taken to hospital. She remained behind, at the insistence of some relatives. Only a day later, the relatives trooped back to their home looking solemn- Kivindyo had passed on.

“I was distraught to say the least. My biggest dream in life was shattered. I was more shocked because we had not even consummated the marriage,” says the now 45-year-old Kavengi.

For two and a half years, she lived in agony but was determined to fulfil her dream of being somebody’s wife and a mother.

This dream still seemed on track when one of Kivindyo’s childhood  schoolmates, Jonathan Kinyiri, proposed to her.

“I had also known him and felt safer with him. I also wanted someone who would easily understand where I was coming from,” she says.

After a blossoming courtship, the lovebirds set the wedding date for  May 5, 1990.

“Wedding preparations went on well. The last day before  the wedding was a busy one. Friends and relatives had already started trooping to their home and when Kinyiri had to go to Naivasha to meet some of his close friends, Kavengi declined to accompany him.

“I thought it was prudent that I go home earlier to be with the visitors. It was clear he would return to Nairobi quite late,” says Kavengi.

Naivasha

That was the last time  Kavengi saw her second boyfriend  alive. Apparently,  Kinyiri went to Naivasha and met his friends who were to accompany him to his home for the big night.

But when they reached Athi River, their car was involved in a fatal crash and all the three occupants died on the spot. Back in Kitui, panic had began to grip the wedding party, especially when it got to midnight.

“I was asked many questions about where he had gone. I had little to say since I did not even know the friends he had insisted he wanted to see by name,” narrates Kavengi.

The following day was one hell of a time for her. Everybody was suspicious that something had gone wrong between them and Kinyiri had changed his mind about marrying her.

“No one believed that we had not had any disagreement. The more I tried to explain that I was also in the dark, the more the relatives got suspicious. I felt helpless,” she says

More heartache followed. “People started pointing out that my first husband had died in mysterious circumstances. I was demonised as an evil woman,” she says and at this point almost breaks into tears. “I was called all manner of names,” she says trailing off. 

The tortuous search for Kinyiri began. After a few days, the search group learnt that there had been an accident at Athi River where three men died. Would they mind checking  at the local mortuary? 

The tip led to the worst news she had ever heard. The three men were actually Kinyiri and his two friends. 

“I did not believe it. No one could believe that my fiancé had died just a few hours before our wedding. It was all too much to happen to one woman in just three years,” she says. 

After this second death, Kavengi’s life was reduced to one of solitude. 

“Nobody wanted to either speak or come near me. I was reduced to sticking to my house as I had lost most of my friends.” says Kavengi. 

For several months, life in Kitui became a nightmare. 

“It was hellish to live with people who were convinced that I was responsible for the death of my fiance. Worse still, no one cared about my feelings and the loss I had personally undergone,” adds Kavengi. 

“When it became apparent that the misery I felt was taking it’s toll on my health, a woman friend who had baked my wedding cake offered to host me at her house in Nairobi. I was on the verge of a depression so this came as a welcome gesture,” she says. 

After several months of sitting round doing nothing, the friend assisted her to get a job at Kijabe Mission Hospital as a nurse’s aide. She then relocated from Nairobi to Kijabe.

Paranoid

Because of the tragedies that had befallen her the two times she had been in love, she decided to concentrate on her job and not allow any man close to her heart. I became paranoid fearing that any man I talked to would die mysteriously.

“Every time I talked to a man, I feared he would just die. It scared me,” she explains.

This fear led her to shy away from discussing anything on relationships with men.

“I would always remember my former lovers and felt I did not want to make another family lose a son,” she says.

But God, had other ideas for her.  In the course of her work, she developed a cordial rapport with one of the patients. She found him easy to talk to and he would always have a kind word for her whenever he saw her. When Pius Ndata was finally discharged, he made it a point to come back and look for her.

“He invited me for coffee outside the hospital and we talked about all sorts of things. Little did I know that his was a love interest. I thought we were just good friends and that’s why I opened up to him without reservation. I even told him about my two tragedies and he was truly sympathetic.” That was in 1992.

For three years, Kavengi and Ndata met as general friends. Finally in 1994, he proposed to her. Kavengi asked for more time to think about it.

“When I jokingly asked him whether he did not fear dying too, he replied, “ It will never happen to you again. I am the man God wanted for you.” That did it. She decided to give love a third chance.

On July 1, 1995, Kavengi and Ndata walked down the aisle at a church in Ngara. “ The eve of the wedding brought back the memories of my second wedding but I stood strong,” she recollects.

Since she took a chance on her third marriage, Kavengi faithfully holds that “God must have had a reason for all that happened to me.”

Out of the third marriage, she has two children and is glad she finally had the chance to be a wife and mother. At her Rungiri home in Kikuyu, Kavengi is leading a modest life carrying out a second hand clothes business in Nairobi.

Out of conviction that she is God’s vessel for other people to learn from her life, Kavengi has produced an album where she candidly captures her life story.

“It is a rendition about my journey to hell and back, so to speak,” she told Saturday Magazine last week.

Kavengi has not made it by herself. Many friends including her bishop at South C’s Gospel Outreach World Evangelism, Fenny Mrima have been on her side encouraging her.

Baptism of fire

“When in this kind of situation, you need people who make you feel you are part of them and they would be willing to offer a helping hand to you anytime,” confides the mother of two.

When not selling clothes, Kavengi will be seen in crusades promoting her album and talking to women about her life.

“I always want to tell those with problems that I have had a baptism of fire and came out stronger,” she says.

While she talks freely about her past, Kavengi is not as free when discussing her third husband and children in public.

“I do not want any of them to be tormented by what I have gone through. I prefer to keep them out of my public life for good reasons,” she says.

A talented singer, she concludes our long interview that is laced with references from Bible verses with a short song. It is about hope in the face of adversity.

A cross check at leading gospel music outlets in Nairobi such as The Kassangas and Peace Mulu Music Shops, revealed the album ‘ I’m Blessed, I’m not Cursed’ has joined the stable for the most powerfully told real life stories.

It is also a top seller at Gateway Music Shop in Kitui where Kavengi hails from.

bmuiruri@ke.nationmedia.com