“If any man have not care of his own, and especially of those of his house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” – Holy Bible.
Last week, I painted a picture that went against the natural order – That of a man asking a woman for financial help. I asked for your thoughts on the matter and as to be expected, they were diverse.
From Loy: “I bailed out a guy once. He refused to give me back the money that I had loaned him. I regret it and it’s something I will never do again.”
From Emily: “I read your article on Saturday and I agree with you 100 per cent. The man is supposed to be a provider. The Bible is very clear on this issue. A woman who finances a man is desperate. It’s high time women got bold enough to have a stand on this.”
From Augustus: “I was once in this situation. I was earning Sh20,000 and when I found out that she was earning Sh150,000, I vanished. She searched for me and when she found me, I told her the truth – That I could not manage her. She knew what I meant and gave me a loan of Sh700,000 to help me start a business, which is now very successful. I have returned all her money plus interest. I really respect her because she had trust in me and I never let her down.”
Thanks for your responses; the last is probable but not likely to happen often. If I were you, I would not take a Sh700,000 loan to give to your Sh20,000 earning boyfriend. It will most likely end up in tears (and not of joy!).
You’re better off encouraging him in other ways. Admire his strengths; don’t draw attention to his weaknesses. It saps his self-confidence.
There’s no real man who lives off a woman! He will feel unworthy of you unless he’s just a free loader, in which case, girl, why are you with him?
Think back to all the relationships you have been in – Aren’t the most fulfilling, those you felt the most loved, those in which the men provided for you?
A man, who cares about you, wants you happy. If you have a problem, he will help you solve it. Sometimes it’s the small stuff that has little to do with money. He will change your tyre or help you deal with a difficult boss.
The other night, I couldn’t find my phone and asked the Nubian prince to call it for me. He was half asleep and dialed my number but a trip around the house turned up empty.
“It must be in the car,” I said resigned to the trip out in the cold to look for it. But this amazing man immediately got out of bed to get it for me. I didn’t ask him to. But he wouldn’t consider letting me go out in the middle of the night. Now that’s what I’m talking about – A real man!
They say we marry our fathers. My dad came from a very poor background but he managed to marry the richest girl in the village. Every morning, before he went to school, he would go to the farm where my grandma was expected to go later in the day and start her lines for her (it was a coffee farm).
He would do 80 per cent of the work she was meant to do before heading to school to start his lessons. My grandma would get to work and the foreman would tell her: “Your son was here, most of it is already done.”
My dad’s amazing daily gesture soon had the village talking and word went round. It caught the ear of my mum who quickly became enamored with this guy who seemed a bit of a super hero.
No one woke up that early to do manual work, manage to get to school on time and still get good grades. And why? Just because he wanted to lighten the burden for his mother… Yes, I suppose that would certainly have any girl swooning.
So my mom (despite horror from her rich family) married this humble, young, broke man. She never gave him a cent but not ONE day went by that he did not provide for her. He died in 1988 but is still providing through what he left behind.
Being broke is not a good reason to walk away from a guy. It’s about his character. It’s about you seeing the best in him and bringing it out.
They say behind every great man is a great woman. That phrase is not in reverse. Praise his successes, allow for his oversights… He will eventually grow in his God given role.
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