I do. Do I?

By RENEE MURRAY Published July 14, 2010

“Will you love her, comfort, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?”

Every man responds “I will” while others recite it thus;

“I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part.”

Marriage vows vary from custom to custom, but in essence the meaning behind it is the same. It is a solemn promise of faithfulness and unquestionable commitment to a partner. In one sentence, you swear before God and before all who know you, that you will do- not try to- something humanly close to impossible.

When the vows are recited few brides and grooms take time to think about what they are promising each other. At the time, the bride could be wondering, “How does my dress look? I hope the camera man waits for my best shot, before clicking away….damn! Was that the flash, let me try and smile through this, so that he does not catch me unawares again! Did I see David (her ex maybe) in the crowd? Yes, its him! I hope this won’t be awkward…” Her thoughts will be interrupted as she is told to take the ring and say the words after the presiding priest or pastor.

For his part, the groom could be looking at his bride so adoringly, while his mind is going crazy – he could be lost in thought too, “She really does look beautiful, I am lucky. But can I make her happy…nitatoboa kweli? Mmmh…I hope things work out between us. Can I do this? Marriage can’t be that hard…Of course, I can do this! I am so hungry… Can’t wait to eat that delicious food. If only they would speed things up a notch! Was that my stomach rumbling…?” Then he too is interrupted as the page boy hands him the ring to put on his bride’s finger.

Suffice to say; when brides and grooms recite their vows at weddings, the meaning behind this solemn promise is sometimes overtaken by the overwhelming events of the day. A few hours later, two people have promised each other so much. More than they know at the time. They have promised each other things that will need a lot of hard work, commitment, sacrifice and most of all divine intervention.

A few years into marriage, and you realize that what the priest, your friends and family were witnessing the two of you do, was indeed HUGE! This is because every single thing you promised each other, does come to pass. Reciting the vows is nothing; processing the meaning is the deal breaker.

You will have her, even when you feel like she is not the same woman you fell in love with. The vows come with no conditions after all. Nowhere does it say that “I will love and cherish you only ON CONDITION that you maintain your current beauty and charm. If that is what you hoped for, sorry, she will grow old (goodbye beauty!), become resentful (goodbye sweetness!) and bitter (goodbye charm!) with life, but remember you swore to love her in whatever state. She is yours for keeps, with all her flaws; some of which you knew about, and some that you are yet to discover. Forget all other charming, beautiful women you might meet out there, you will love and cherish only her.

She will be healthy but when sick, you will sit by her bed. Not her mother, not her sister, definitely not the maid nor your grown up kids. You sir, you will watch and care for her, not only physically, but emotionally as well.

Rich or poor, she is yours; when you cannot afford a decent breakfast, or when you live the life of a king. You are to love and to cherish this human being, in whichever state she is. This means that when she wrongs you, you have no choice but to forgive her. When she becomes unreasonable, you are to cherish her still. You will love her; whatever the circumstances till death do you part.

Woe unto you if the death of your partner comes before she is lowered to the grave. Nowadays most men kill their wives, before they have been taken away from this earth. Their death comes in the form of a mistress, a job, fame and even alcohol. Men don’t realize that having taken the vow to stay with their wives until death, do them part, they kill their wives when they let someone or something else take her place.

Are you a murderer? Did your wife die a few years into your marriage? When you said “I do” did you know what you were ‘doing’? If so, you should stick to your vows. Until your partner is lowered to her grave, love, cherish and be faithful to her. Marriage should be for the long haul and so I ask, do you?

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Reach Renee Murray at rmurray@eafricainfocus.com

Source: East Africa in Focus