Does it seem like you are always on the losing end of the power struggle in your relationship? Do you often give in and then resent your spouse afterwards?
Built up resentment destroys all hope for a healthy, happy relationship and in the long run, leads to depression and low self esteem in the victimised partner.
Often, a controlling partner acts out because of emotional conditioning during childhood. They usually have deep rooted anger due to cruel parental upbringing or a difficult childhood.
For instance, he did not get core needs such as empathy, affection, or guidance.
However, a child who received too much of a good thing, was overprotected, overindulged or given too much freedom without limits or boundaries, is also likely to develop into a domineering and controlling adult.
When he gets married, power becomes difficult to let go of because of the baggage he carries.
Signs that your spouse is controlling He or she tends to make all the decisions pertaining to the house hold, implying that the other spouse is incompetent.
He will also overrule any decision made by the more passive spouse, increasing the self perceived sense of inferiority.
This negative atmosphere leads to an unhappy relationship which is often tension filled.
The passive spouse may begin doing things in secret to avoid criticism from the controlling spouse, which if eventually discovered, can result to distrust.
As resentment towards each other builds, they drift further apart and their relationship deteriorates, affecting the children too.
If you know what to look for, it is easy to tell whether your partner is the controlling kind, even before the relationship progresses to marriage.
For your marriage to work, your spouse has to dedicate himself to shedding old anger and fears. meanwhile, stop succumbing to unjust demands, for fear of losing or angering your partner.
Note that your partner might not be able to do this on his own, and might therefore need professional help.
The writer is a Clinical Psychologist.
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