By LILIAN KITHIA
Infidelity is like an epidemic that has infected many committed men and women across the world. As a result, so much has been written on the topic including such pieces as, ‘Tell tale signs that your man is cheating’ and ‘How to catch a cheating spouse’ – all these done in an effort to ensure that innocent men and women do not get fooled by their cheating partners.
One truth about it however, is that, except for the very insensitive and completely selfish philandering blokes, cheating is never a random act. Cliché as this may sound, one thing always leads to another and then before he or she knows it, a committed man or woman finds him or herself stuck in a compromising situation.
But just as it is possible to spot a cheating spouse from the vibe they give off, it is equally possible to know that you are going to cheat on your partner long before you do.
Here are five signs to look out for:
1. You feel lonely or trapped: For most committed people, the process towards cheating always begins with a feeling of being completely ensnared and lonely. You feel alone and you’re not even sure how it happened. One moment you were happy with your relationship, the next you feel trapped or lost.
If you’re feeling trapped, like any trapped animal, you are likely to resent your lack of freedom and are anxious to return to the wild. If you’re feeling lonely either because your partner is not paying attention to your emotional needs or is himself cheating on you, it is only a matter of time before you cheat.
2. You are suddenly forgiving of your cheating friends: One time you hated people who cheat, but now, rather than condemning your buddies for cheating on their partners, you find reasons to empathise.
Sure, your best friend might be having an affair, but his girlfriend had it coming to her for putting on 10 kilos. So what if she was pregnant? You share your friend’s motivations and find yourself able to rationalise even their most caveman-like behaviour. The moment you start to think ‘it’s okay’ you could be heading towards your own affair.
3.You keep your girlfriend/boyfriend a secret: You used to talk about your partner all the time and whenever you met someone who showed signs of being even remotely attracted to you, you found a way to sneak your partner’s name into the conversation; but now, when speaking with other men/women, you find yourself concealing the fact you are in a relationship, even lying about the existence of your better half.
You enjoy receiving attention from other people and are reluctant to bring the conversation to a halt by admitting that you are spoken for. If you want to be seen as single and available, you are definitely looking for an affair.
4.You develop a close relationship with another person: You find yourself seeking out a sympathetic friend and telling him or her all about your crumbling relationship.
Soon, you’re texting your friend more often than your partner and even spending more time with them than you do with your better half. It’s only a matter of time before you start checking him/her out and wondering what their lips taste like.
Be forewarned: Most emotional affairs like these are only one crying session and a couple of tequilas away from becoming a full-fledged physical fling.
5.You lie and give excuses and stories about things that don’t really matter: You never leave the house without an alibi. You spent an innocent afternoon with your newfound friend but you lie about spending it elsewhere even when there’s nothing going on between you two.
You lie to your partner that spouses were not invited to the office party just because you wanted to go alone and soon every night of the week turns into girls’ night out.
You haven’t done anything yet, but you’re clearly preparing yourself for the day when you do. But before you embark on cheating, remember that any relationship worth saving can be saved through open and honest communication.
Talk to your partner about your relationship needs instead of looking for a solution outside the relationship because affairs, however tempting they may be, have the potential to blow up in your face. Your relationship may survive it, but once trust has been lost, it can never fully be regained.
Daily Nation
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