By Njoki Kaigai
A certain male of friend of mine is at the end of his tether. The reason for his exasperation is that fact that his wife has become a ‘chama-holic.
I could not believe that anyone would have something bad to say about chamas – for we all know that women’s groups have been the saving grace for this nation’s families.
My friend gave me a litany of woes about how his wife behaves when she goes into chama mode. After a while, I had to admit that some of us women have given the movement a bad name – so today let us talk about the ugly side of chamas.
Chamas were started by our mothers as a way of gathering funds and using them to make progress in their homes. The money was usually used to improve the home in many different ways.
The younger lot of women have, however, become more ambitious and now have grand ambitions for chamas. We want to change the state of the stock exchange by flocking there and buying shares.
But behind these grandiose dreams, there has emerged a very dangerous side of women – the compe roho safi that drives us to want to outshine others at every turn.
So instead of deciding on a goal that is achievable for all members, some chamas come up with goals aimed solely at making their neighbours envious.
While it is okay to dream big, it can become torturous to drag ill-prepared women to aim for the top of the food chain when they clearly cannot afford it.
The end result is that you have many women who are in perpetual debt as they try to keep up with the outrageous ambitions of their chamas.
It doesn’t help matters that our generation lacks the patience of our mothers – we want to form the chama today and then build the high-rise duplex in the leafy suburbs the next day.
The core motivation for these ambitions is the need to gain some firm footing in the female pecking order.
The result is that, instead of giving financial freedom, some chamas have become financial yokes to women.
My male pal claims that his wife is one such victim – she refuses to contribute to the family kitty in the name of meeting her numerous chama contributions.
Just like with all good intentions that end up going bad, modern chama mamas are giving this whole cause a bad name. In the recent past, chama meetings have deviated from their original purpose with often disastrous consequences.
Instead of working on group objectives, some women who have viper-like tongues gossip about their fellow sisters who may be experiencing problems. Chama meetings end up being about whose partner is dropping his pants with whom.
Others turn into sessions where women show–off about whose child or children topped the class or whose private school fees invoice matches the figure for Kenya’s total national debt.
Those who do not gossip will be busy critisising their host’s culinary and interior décor skills.
They take every chama meeting (Particularly those held in members’ houses) as opportunities to test their proficiency in these fields.
For every meeting they attend, they will spend hours talking (usually in very unflattering terms) regarding things such as the meat–rice ratio in the pilau served, or the age of the curtains and fabrics on the sofas.
They are good at broadcasting which member’s house decorating skills could wipe the eyesight of the entire global population. Others are able to determine the financial health of the hostess just by examining the condition of the crockery and carpet.
There are many women who will beg for money from spouse, family and friends in an attempt to spruce up the house for the sole reason of getting get a pass rating from the chama critics.
Others get their self-esteem thrown into disarray when the gossip and rumours get to them. So many chamas have become completely dysfunctional because of the gossip from the members.
It is no wonder that chamas have of late gotten such bad PR. In some circles (especially with the men), they are just another ploy for women to gossip, backbite, and bitch in the name of uplifting their standards.
It’s time we rid our chamas of the destructive ‘fat’ that is giving them a bad name. njokikaigai@hotmail.com
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