Courtship is a word many people use freely, so let us take a look at what it entails. Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage.
This is the time when two people get to know each other and before they decide whether they want to continue with the relationship.
Typically, courtship is conducted in public, with the approval of the families on both sides. The main activity during this phase is dating, where the couple goes out, say for a picnic, to the movies, dance parties, shopping, or even a meal. It is the period during which a couple takes time out to visit places where they enjoy time together.
A friend once joked that if a couple does not find the time to go for outings while courting, it is unlikely that they will have the time when married. This is usually the time to charm, to persuade the other party.
Actions such as “chatting” on the internet or via instant text messaging or e-mail, sending sentimental text messages, conversing for long periods over the telephone, sending flowers and dedicating love songs and sending gifts are part of wooing.
We often take such actions for granted, and some people even consider them a waste of time and resources. However, they greatly help couples to get to know the other side of the person they’re going out with.
This is the time you get to know things such as your date’s table manners. During courtship, a person will reveal some of his or her inner self.
Duration
One question people often ask is how long a courtship should last. While there is no clear-cut answer, many people will tell you that it should take as long as it takes to know your partner well.
But how long does it take to know your partner? While this depends on individuals and the fact that some people show only their good side during courtship, marriage is sure to be an eye-opener.
Tips
Below are some tips for those seeking partners:
Court one person at a time: This is not the time for testing to see with who best suits you; you have zeroed in on a specific individual so focus on him/her. If you realise that your heart does not belong there, it is never too late to change.
Remember, it is better to have a broken engagement than a broken marriage.
Let the man pursue the woman: While this varies from one community to another, many communities that permit courtship also favour the more traditional approach, where the man initiates the relationship and even approaches his, as well as the woman’s parents, for their blessings.
Family and community are central: Often, the man will ask the woman’s father for his approval before he begins courting her.
In the more conservative circles, pastors and parents act as matchmakers. The family’s aim is to help the man and woman remain accountable for their commitment to each other. So mum and dad may counsel their son if they feel he is not doing something right.
Group activities: Nowadays, one-on-one date nights are the order of the day for people in relationships. While the same applies to many courting couples, traditional courtship encourages group dates before private time. The goal is to help the couple become friends before getting romantic.
The presence of others also helps reduces the temptation to have sex.
Whatever you do while courting, remember that every relationship is unique. But it takes the two of you to make it thrive.
The writer is a counselling psychologist.
Source: Daily Nation
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