It has been said time and again that beauty is more than skin deep, that it’s the personality and ones’ self perception that counts. We are, however, living in a society that is consumed by image. It’s undeniable that attractive people have a distinct advantage in the society.
We grew up believing that beauty is found in bottles and jars. It was constantly hammered into our young minds that as long as one excelled career wise, the looks could take care of themselves.
With cosmetic surgery getting more popular and an array of such procedures becoming locally available, looks didn’t seem like an issue anymore. All it takes is a nip here, a tuck there and you have the look you wish for.
Growing evidence, however, refutes this. It has been proven that current beauty standards are measured using biological characteristics. Individuals bearing symmetrical physical features and a general youthful look have been said to be more attractive.
The knowledge that elements of beauty are ingrained in our DNA has driven women to go out of their way, some even preying beyond their matrimonial beds, to ensure that their offspring is easy on the eye and with a better chance in life.
*Marion, 36, is one such woman. She is smartly dressed when we meet for this interview with hair swept up and nails meticulously done.She exudes that aura that is associated with people who have reached a point where they feel comfortable in life.
*Marion has a daughter aged 7 and a son 4. Other than the usual highs and lows that characterise any meaningful relationship, hers is a happy marriage.
“He is loving, considerate and very in touch with his inner child. The type of man that actually listens. The best father I could ever hope for my children” she talks of her husband.
The only hitch in this seemingly perfect setting is the fact that *Marion’s children were sired by another man.
“When I got to know *Mark, I was sure that he was someone I could live with. He adored me, he still does, and we bonded emotionally and intellectually. He was way up on the career ladder and I was earning a tidy sum as well so I knew money wasn’t going to be a problem”
The downside was that he was lacking in the looks department. The word she uses to describe his physical appearance is ‘plain’. She says that there was nothing striking about him.
But she had a solution at hand. She knew what she wanted and how she could achieve it. She wasn’t going to have him father their children but she would have him as a wonderful husband.
“We are at a point in time when we can no longer dismiss wanting to be attractive as something that is vain or shallow. Beauty is now directly related to success. Being attractive opens so many doors and I was willing to go the extra mile to give my children an upper hand,” she asserts.
She went on the prowl – looking for a man who would give her beautiful children and a year after getting married to Mark in a church wedding, *Marion had landed her catch. *Kevin was a few years her junior. He had a strong physique, a beautiful complexion and striking facial features that were evidently so at first glance.
The fact that he also wasn’t keen on any on a commitment then was a plus for her. She didn’t tell him when she conceived. She instead looked for reasons to see less of him and by the time her pregnancy started showing, it was Mark who was overjoyed at the prospect of being a father.
By the time the daughter was born Kevin was a distant memory as Mark fussed over his new baby. This she says was a precaution to safeguard her marriage because even if *Kevin wasn’t keen on a commitment then, she was aware of a possibility of him claiming paternity in the future if he became aware of the fact that she had his baby.
Her daughter turned our just as she had hoped. Beautiful with very distinct facial features.
When she was ready to have another baby three years later, Marion sought *Kevin again. Because they had dated earlier, she concocted a story about why she had disappeared and since Kevin was happy with the clandestine arrangement, he continued from where they had left.
When she conceived a second time, she broke off the affair. She hasn’t seen him since and she doesn’t intend to.
*Marion who considers herself average-looking says that all through school and university, her better-looking acquaintances got more chances at friendships and social opportunities. Positive characteristics such as intelligence and honesty were attributed to attractive individuals.
When she got to the world of employment, she noticed that when it came to choosing two people with similar educational backgrounds, the better-looking one always seems to have a better chance.
According to Marion, the era when attractive people were regarded as less intelligent or dumb blondes and not serious is long gone. In fact at the moment, the reverse is true.
*Marion, a senior public relations officer with city company, says that her climb up the career ladder has been not been easy. It has taken her a lot of willpower, persistence, sacrifice and extra hard work to get where she is career wise.
A lot more compared to her better-looking counterparts. She feels that society appears to subconsciously reward individuals for being good looking that is why she considers what she has done as giving her children a small shove from the back – a head start, so to speak, as they set out for the rat race that life is.
Marion say she is fully aware that many people out there will be judgmental about what she did, not knowing that many women do this but she claims that she couldn’t be happier with her life.
Her children, she discloses, are getting more attention from their teachers at school; a reaction she attributes to the way they look. They are also more confident in their skin a character trait which she says developed when they were old enough to take in the opinions the people they interacted with had of them. This means that they are more popular even among their peers.
What if her children had failed to inherit he physical characteristics of the man who fathered them? I ask.
“ I knew I was faced with that possibility when I ventured out and I was ready to live with it. I would still love them. After all, they are still my children regardless of who fathered them. They came out of me”.
She pauses and gazes into the distance as if in thought for a few moments before she continues.
“Trying and failing would have been better than watching them struggle through life knowing that it was in my power to do something about it. Anything in life is a risk. We take risks with our careers and even our lives. I’m glad I took the chance. If could turn back the clock, I wouldn’t do anything differently,” She argues.
Is she aware that her decision could spell doom for her marriage if her husband were to discover what she did? I prod.
“The chances of him finding out are next to nil. If it gets to that, we will cross that bridge when we get to it. I gave this a lot of thought before I executed my plan and I’m ready to live with the consequences . My husband loves our children and they too love him and that’s what matters.”
An attractive 27-year-old man, whom I met and interviewed as well, confessed to knowingly having been used as a sperm donor. For the purpose of this story I will call him * Bruno.
Bruno had known * Julia as a friend for over four years when she told him that she wanted a baby with him. At first he thought she was joking but soon realized she was serious about getting pregnant.
At first, he was reluctant because he was only in his early 20s and not ready for that kind of attachment. He also couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling that she wanted to trap him into a long-term relationship.
It took her months convince him to warm up to the idea. She was well into her 30s, held a well-paying job and owned a house and a car. She had been through a series of bad relationships and wasn’t ready to go down that road again and yet the biological clock was ticking.
All that she wanted to complete the picture was a baby. And being single, she had the opportunity to hand pick the baby daddy. “Just a baby is what she wanted from me. No emotional or financial support,” he recalls the statement that made him begin to see some sense in her proposition.
They agreed to sacrifice their friendship beforehand to avoid future entanglements. He has bumped into her a couple of times since the baby was born two years back and each time, they casually exchanged pleasantries.
“She seems happy. We have never talked about the baby. We both think that topic is better left that way”. He observes.
Kommentare